Are Your Children Being Bullied?

Sometimes our children will tell us when there's a problem at school with a bully. But sometimes they don't. That's why it's important for parents to be able to recognize the signs of bullying, even if children don't say anything directly.

If your child exhibits any of the following signs, cyberbullying or bullying at school could be the reason:

• Your child very suddenly loses interest in school or refuses to go to school.


• She takes a different and unusual route to get to school.


• His grades drop suddenly.


• He withdraws from school and/or family activities.


• She is always hungry after school, saying she lost her lunch money or just wasn't hungry at school.


• She takes money from your purse or wallet and makes excuses about where the money goes.


• He makes a "beeline" for the bathroom after school every day (being afraid to use the bathroom at school).


• She is sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call.

If you notice any of these behaviors, it might be time to speak to your child and the school counselor. Or call Jewish Family Service.Visit us at http://www.jfsdallas.org.

5 Most Difficult Things to Say to Your Aging Parent

Every week, Jewish Family Service receives phone calls from elderly individuals to ask for help. Maybe they've just had surgery and aren't able to get out to purchase food. Maybe they're afraid to be alone without an easy way to reach out for help. Or maybe they're isolated and need a friendly visitor. We're glad to get those calls because that's what we're here for. And we can certainly help.

But in addition to those requests, we also hear regularly from the adult children of the elderly. They call because they realize they have to help their parents navigate this new stage of life. To ensure their parents' safe and health, best as they can, they might have to make decisions that will affect their parents' freedom and lifestyle. And those are not easy steps to take.

In fact, we work with these issues so often that we've put together a list of the five most difficult things that adult children have to say to their aging parents. In reverse order, they are:

5. "Mom, Dad, I think you all really need some help around the house. You just aren't able to do it all on your own anymore."

4. "Mom, Dad, I think it's time for you all to share your financial information with me. That way, I could take over your paperwork and help you out if you ever needed me to."

3. "Mom, Dad, I know this is difficult, but I'd like to talk to you about funeral wishes. Let's talk now, while there's still time for your wishes to be known."

2. "Mom, Dad, I really think it's time for you to move out of your home. You just can't live alone anymore. I think we need to check out retirement facilities or assisted living."

1. And the #1 most difficult thing to say to an aging parent: "Mom, Dad, I really think it's time for you to stop driving."

Any or all of these steps could be the very best idea to maintain the safety and dignity of aging parents. However, every one of them involves a "letting go" from the elderly individual's point of view, a loss of independence. That's why it's so difficult for the parent to hear. And so difficult for the adult child to say.

Give us a call. We can help.

Teen Dating Violence: What We All Need to Know

As a community, we are coming to realize that violence between intimate partners happens all too frequently--regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, or economic status. Although we have often overlooked its earliest signs and results--teen dating violence--statistics suggest that we need to pay much closer attention. The national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 1 in 5 teenage girls has been affected by abuse in a dating relationship.

As teenage girls, we need to know the warning signs of abuse. Do any or all of the descriptions in this list sound like your guy? Even if there hasn't been any physical abuse or if he doesn't exhibit every one of these signs, this is not a healthy relationship.

• He's extremely jealous.
• He's constantly insulting you or ridiculing you.
• He tells you want you can and cannot do, whom you can and cannot see.
• He wants to control your finances.
• He accuses you of things you haven't done.
• He tries to keep you from spending time with your family or friends.
• He calls, emails, or texts you throughout the day to find out exactly where you are.

As parents, how can we tell whether our daughters are in an abusive relationship? If your daughter exhibits any of these signs, something is probably bothering her. It could be an abusive relationship.

• She has trouble sleeping.
• Her eating habits change.
• She isn't spending time with her friends like she used to.
• Her grades are dropping.
• She spends an unusual amount of time answering calls, emails, or texts from her boyfriend.

If this is an abusive relationship, Jewish Family Service can help. We offer crisis intervention and safety planning, individual counseling for teens or adults affected by abuse, parent/child counseling, legal consultation, group counseling for women affected by abuse, and individual counseling for the abuser when appropriate. Our phone is answered 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 972.437.9950. Our services are provided without regard to religion, race, ethnicity, or the ability to pay.

Internet Safety: Resources for Parents

Kids are always on the cutting edge of the next technology, and parents tend to be a bit farther behind. So how can we protect our children appropriately from Internet dangers when those dangers seem to change every day?

At a recent Jewish Family Service event for parents and children, "tech guru" Omar Gallaga pointed parents to resources they can use to stay that step ahead. Mr. Gallaga, Austin American-Statesman tech culture writer and National Public Radio "All Tech Considered" contributor suggested:

1. www.google.com/FamilySafety. This website includes instructions for using Google's "SafeSearch" tools for Internet browsing, Youtube, and mobile phones. (It also tells you how to keep the kids from turning the controls off.)

2. www.NetNanny.com. This content-control software product allows parents to block children from objectionable websites, including pornography. Net Nanny offers a similar product for cell phones.

3. www.WhatTheyPlay.com. Video games can be a concern for two reasons: The games themselves can contain violent images and action, sexual themes, and cursing or sexual language -- and some video games allow multiple Internet users to speak to each other. WhatTheyPlay.com lets parents know specific images and language used in the games -- and what children can expect to hear from other players, too.

4. www.safetyweb.com. This service lets parents know exactly what's on the Internet about their child, what information the child is uploading for the world to see -- including text, photos, video, and friends' comments -- and provides alerts for parents regarding inappropriate content, including cyberbullying. The website also offers articles and blogposts on a variety of safety-related topics.

Other resources include www.fbi.gov (search for "Internet safety") and www.netsmartz.org, a source for Internet safety news and information about cyberbullying.

Email, Texting, Facebook--and Our Children

Many parents are concernd about their child's electronic communications: email, texting, Facebook, Internet-based games, and more. But what can they do?

At a recent Jewish Family Service event for parents and children, Marion Underwood, PhD, professor of psychological sciences at The University of Texas at Dallas, had these suggestions:

1. Parents need to guide and socialize their children in the electronic domain just as they would in any other social context.

2. Before allowing a child to begin using email, text messaging, or Facebook, parents can let their child know that they will be monitoring these communications. Parents can request appropriate passwords, spot check text messages, and be their child's Facebook "friend" to see what the child is broadcasting to the world.

3. Parents can be reasonable in how they monitor their child's electronic communication and respectful of the child's developing autonomy. Without becoming overly involved in their child's messaging or relationships, parents can spot check occasionally and use more targeted monitoring if there is a real reason to be concerned.

4. Parents should model constructive, respectful, and reasonable use of electronic communication themselves, and be mindful of the amount of time they spend on texting, Facebook, etc. in their own lives.

5. Remember that nothing about electronic communication is inherently negative. All these technologies can be used in positive ways--including maintaining family contact as the child matures and goes out into the big, wide world.

Next week . . . specific websites to help parents keep up with potential dangers of the Internet.