5 Most Difficult Things to Say to Your Aging Parent

Every week, Jewish Family Service receives phone calls from elderly individuals to ask for help. Maybe they've just had surgery and aren't able to get out to purchase food. Maybe they're afraid to be alone without an easy way to reach out for help. Or maybe they're isolated and need a friendly visitor. We're glad to get those calls because that's what we're here for. And we can certainly help.

But in addition to those requests, we also hear regularly from the adult children of the elderly. They call because they realize they have to help their parents navigate this new stage of life. To ensure their parents' safe and health, best as they can, they might have to make decisions that will affect their parents' freedom and lifestyle. And those are not easy steps to take.

In fact, we work with these issues so often that we've put together a list of the five most difficult things that adult children have to say to their aging parents. In reverse order, they are:

5. "Mom, Dad, I think you all really need some help around the house. You just aren't able to do it all on your own anymore."

4. "Mom, Dad, I think it's time for you all to share your financial information with me. That way, I could take over your paperwork and help you out if you ever needed me to."

3. "Mom, Dad, I know this is difficult, but I'd like to talk to you about funeral wishes. Let's talk now, while there's still time for your wishes to be known."

2. "Mom, Dad, I really think it's time for you to move out of your home. You just can't live alone anymore. I think we need to check out retirement facilities or assisted living."

1. And the #1 most difficult thing to say to an aging parent: "Mom, Dad, I really think it's time for you to stop driving."

Any or all of these steps could be the very best idea to maintain the safety and dignity of aging parents. However, every one of them involves a "letting go" from the elderly individual's point of view, a loss of independence. That's why it's so difficult for the parent to hear. And so difficult for the adult child to say.

Give us a call. We can help.

Teen Dating Violence: What We All Need to Know

As a community, we are coming to realize that violence between intimate partners happens all too frequently--regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, or economic status. Although we have often overlooked its earliest signs and results--teen dating violence--statistics suggest that we need to pay much closer attention. The national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 1 in 5 teenage girls has been affected by abuse in a dating relationship.

As teenage girls, we need to know the warning signs of abuse. Do any or all of the descriptions in this list sound like your guy? Even if there hasn't been any physical abuse or if he doesn't exhibit every one of these signs, this is not a healthy relationship.

• He's extremely jealous.
• He's constantly insulting you or ridiculing you.
• He tells you want you can and cannot do, whom you can and cannot see.
• He wants to control your finances.
• He accuses you of things you haven't done.
• He tries to keep you from spending time with your family or friends.
• He calls, emails, or texts you throughout the day to find out exactly where you are.

As parents, how can we tell whether our daughters are in an abusive relationship? If your daughter exhibits any of these signs, something is probably bothering her. It could be an abusive relationship.

• She has trouble sleeping.
• Her eating habits change.
• She isn't spending time with her friends like she used to.
• Her grades are dropping.
• She spends an unusual amount of time answering calls, emails, or texts from her boyfriend.

If this is an abusive relationship, Jewish Family Service can help. We offer crisis intervention and safety planning, individual counseling for teens or adults affected by abuse, parent/child counseling, legal consultation, group counseling for women affected by abuse, and individual counseling for the abuser when appropriate. Our phone is answered 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 972.437.9950. Our services are provided without regard to religion, race, ethnicity, or the ability to pay.